With Elaine at the early stages of setting up her own business, it got me thinking and remembering my own experience with setting up SK Chase. And I have so many people that I am grateful to. Peter Taylor, owner and Chair of The Town House Collection gave us our first break – as well as being our mentor; he also donated our first office – his own office, to be fair, in the attic of The Bonham Hotel. Prior to that Steph and I had been working from my dining room (which we did love, and spent hours and hours discussing and feeling our vision and the fact that one day, (said Del-boy style) we’d be millionaires.) 

Having our first proper office was very exciting. It coincided with us having our first member of staff, Natasha Lynn – another person I’m so grateful for. Natasha has been a core part of our business from the very early stages - she knows and loves our clients well, and the feedback I have received is that this is reciprocated.

There is one company, though, that gave me the most exciting thrill I’ve ever had in business – and a company that I love so much – and all the people in it. And that’s Gleneagles Hotel. I remember meeting the then Marketing Manager, Steve Woods at a Conde Nast Johansens event, when I was still working full time for Peter Taylor at The Town House Collection (Peter supported us in setting up our own business, even when we were working directly for him – more gratitude!). I explained to Steve that Steph and I had set up SK Chase and explained what we did (at this point we had 8 clients) and I asked whether we’d be able to come and see Gleneagles and learn from them (Gleneagles were already hugely successful in selling gift vouchers – and already promoted and sold them via their website).

The long and short of it is that Gleneagles invited us to come in and audit their processes and identify whether there was any way we could improve their gift voucher systems. And I remember putting together that proposal so well. It was the most important document I’ve ever put together in my life. And I loved every minute of it. Steph and I had spent days working on this project – and it was such a thrilling experience to be pitching to one of the best hotels in the world. And we knew that if they decided to work with us, that it would really put us on the map and open so many doors for us.

When I got that call from Steve – I was sitting in a meeting at The Edinburgh Residence and I had already explained to Mark Forrester (Occupancy Marketing) –another person and company that has supported us from the very beginning - that I was expecting this call, and had to take it… And when Steve called and said ‘it’s a no-brainer – of course we want to work with you’, well, I jumped for joy! This was the first strong sign that we had a serious business. And the fact that Gleneagles was willing to work with us at such an early stage in our development – showed courage and belief on their part in innovation (which, as I had explained to me recently by the absolutely brilliant Darren Shirlaw, who founded Shirlaws, is simply about doing things differently). And Gleneagles chose to do things differently. Thank you, Gleneagles! And the wonderful thing is, is that strong relationship still exists today. The team there are a joy to work with and always on the ball.

So, what I’m saying is that I remember that exciting early phase well and so much of our success has been because of other people supporting us. And it’s wonderful to be in that place now, where we can support Elaine – so listen up, if you have any copyrighting needs, Elaine’s your woman. She’s a brilliant writer and has that rare gift of being able to write in different voices and tones. So please do get in touch with her – www.topcatcopy.com.

Well it’s been a while since I posted my last blog on Lady Chase, and now the time has come for me to make my last entry. There’s been a lot going on since I last wrote, and now I’m off on my merry way to start my own writing business - and very exciting it is too! I’m writing this from my new office (the premises formerly known as “home”) having finished up with SK Chase last Monday. 

It’s been a dream of mine for some time now to be my own boss, and in the spirit of “no time like the present” I’ve decided to get my act together, focus, and really go for it. I’ve built my website, asked for a print quote for some business cards, and have set up my laptop, wireless mouse and keyboard in the little yellow attic room upstairs. It’s a humble beginning, but I’m hopeful that it will eventually lead to great things. 

Reading back on a few of my old posts, the last year seems (a bit bizarrely) to have been preparing me for this, unbeknownst to me. Check out Fighting Fear Flags with the Vision for a prime example; now more than ever it’s important for me to have a clear vision of the future to look forward to - otherwise I’d just sit about, paralysed by fear and waiting to default on my mortgage. As it is, I’m feeling the fear (by God am I feeling it…) but I’m determined it’s not going to take me down. 

My vision is to be working steadily from my new home in the country, comfortably installed in the back bedroom with a colourful and flexible home office. I’ll be working four to five days each week, and will be feeling fulfilled, challenged and satisfactorily in control of my own destiny. 

It’s an exciting prospect, and I’ve learned such a lot from Kaye and Steph during my time here at SK Chase, that I feel I’ve got the ideal springboard to get myself going. The most important thing for me to remember is that I need to believe in myself; there’s no need for me to know everything all at once - I can figure it out as I go.

So just before I finish up here, I’m going to share a short list of the Top 5 interesting and unexpected things I have learned so far about the process of starting a business: 

1. Despite being pants-wettingly frightening, it’s absolutely 100% more personally satisfying when something goes right - even if that’s something that you would previously have found dull in the manner of a grey-clad Gordon Brown watching a 4 hr documentary on effective flour grinding methods, in Belgium.  
2. It’s important to have realistic expectations of yourself and your baby business. Getting yourself into a panic-ridden pickle on Day 6 because you haven’t landed a huge contract yet is not only unnecessary, it’s counterproductive and wastes many, many tea bags.  
3. Get yourself a proper comfortable office chair if you’re going to spend a lot of time in front of a computer. You wouldn’t believe how much an unnecessary Day 6 panic-ridden pickle can be exacerbated by unpleasant lower back pain.  
4. Pick as many business brains as you can. My biggest realisation so far (and what gave me the stones to attempt this) has been that there’s really no difference between me and the sort of person who can run a successful business. Surround yourself with entrepreneurs who are already reaping the benefits of self-employment - that could be you… 
5. A cup of tea does not in fact solve everything (see Nr 2) but can go a long way to helping you calm down and gain a little perspective. Time out is important, particularly if you’re in the habit of placing high expectations on yourself.

 So, with all this in mind I’m off to see if anybody out there needs a skilled and committed, if slightly irreverent writer with a natty line in absurd Gordon Brown imagery.

 Wish me luck….?

Elaine’s new copywriting business is called Top Cat - check out her website at www.topcatcopy.co.uk.

The answer seems obvious at first, however during our recent coaching day with Fergus (Shirlaws – Love Business) – Steph and I took a surprising amount of time coming up with what taking responsibility actually meant for us…
And it’s an interesting questions because Steph and I have a 50/50 business relationship - we operate an equal partnership and have unintentionally created a situation where, in some cases, it’s not clear (to us or our team) who is ultimately responsible for certain functions of our business.

Thank fully we have complementary strengths and naturally veer towards different aspects – however we’ve never properly acknowledged who’s in charge of what and in some cases both of us try to be the boss…

Certainly one thing we’ve learned – and realised through experience – is that when it is not clear who is the ‘Captain’ of a project – or when two people are responsible – the project doesn’t achieve our desired outcome. It has become clear, too, that for me responsibility evokes fear within – fear of being trapped (I have a strong desire to be free); fear of failure (what will people think?); … and guess what? Fear of success (do I really deserve such huge success?).

We have a clear vision – we can see the vividly painted picture of our exciting future – and we know that when we do experience these fears – which are inevitable – to question the fear, and not the vision.

Interestingly, Fergus, our coach, asked us what the opposite of responsibility is; blame. And both Steph and I have experienced blame cultures – in previous roles – so it’s ironic, isn’t it, that whilst I’ve always maintained that we would do everything in our power to prevent a blame culture within SK Chase, we have, to a small degree and certainly subconsciously, done just that. Because if we (Steph and I) don’t feel that awareness and step up and say – Okay, this is mine, the buck stops with me – then what happens? Well, there’s always an external reason as to why things don’t work out the way you want them too.

Not only that, but how can Steph and I expect each member of our team to take responsibility for things if we ourselves aren’t sure of who’s responsible for what?
So it’s only fair that Steph and I face our feelings, take self-responsibility, commit to taking ownership and be fully accountable for our desired outcomes. And invite our team to do the same – for their areas of the business.
I experienced a mental and physical shift from within when I started (only recently) to take full responsibility for myself. I.e. accepting and acknowledging that I create the whole of my reality (albeit subconsciously much of the time). But it feels wonderful and I feel like I now have the key to creating the sort of life I really want.
So… this subject currently interests me a great deal – and regardless of the current economic climate, in order for us all to realise our goals it is vital that we each take responsibility for ourselves and our businesses.

Kaye received a hilarious email today from her sister Suzy, who lives in New Zealand. 

Suzy had been reading this blog, and was impressed with how dynamic and successful our names made us sound. Apparently, the names Elaine Gunn, Stephanie Wilson and Kaye Taylor bring to mind the following (I quote)… 

“Elaine Gunn sounds like a murder mystery novelist who also does private eye work on the side, Stephanie Wilson sounds like the shoulder pad queen of day time soap operas and Kaye Taylor sounds like, well for some reason what came up was an Oscar winning costume mistress on the set of a Jane Austen adaptation movie - sorry about that one! Anyway, stars in the making from the names alone ;)” 

Brilliant! 

So in true private-eye style investigative fashion, I promptly went off and did a bit of Googling to find a fabulous new (to me) term, “Nominative Determinism”. This was coined by New Scientist magazine around 1994 to describe the phenomenon of peoples’ lives and career choices being influenced by their names.   

It all sounds a bit like codswallop, until you read up on the examples provided, most notably the research paper on incontinence in the British Journal of Urology, written by J.W Splatt and D. Weedon, or the Ayrshire history teacher whom my Dad reliably assures me was named Norman Conquest. 

I’ve often wondered if my maiden name, Duff,  has influenced my life at all. Certainly at high school I felt the bite of having an unfortunate surname. I was commonly known for my first four years there as “Duff’s little sister” - so not only was I without my own identity, but my second-hand persona actually stemmed from a word with negative connotations. 

I’ve spent twenty or so years twitching uncomfortably when newly-pregnant women have been described as “up the duff” - not the most dignified use of my erstwhile surname - progressing to full-blown disgusted tuts of disapproval when colleagues or friends refer to “duff” information or “duff” items as being broken or somehow sub-standard. Honestly, how tactless… 

If names are meant to influence the lives of their bearers, then maybe this perceived negativity around my surname had something to do with my aggressively (attempted) overachievement at school. I was never one to cope particularly well with failure, in fact when I received my higher results at 16 and saw to my horror two Cs nestling in between my A’s and B’s I spent the rest of the afternoon howling inconsolably on the sofa. It turned out some time afterwards that there had been a horrible mistake, and I’d actually achieved the straight A’s and B’s I’d expected (I fear I became a bit smug when that information came through…), but I do remember that afternoon as the blackest of adolescent holes from which there seemed to be no possible escape. 

You never know, perhaps my pathological fear of failure and my incessant need to be perceived as over-performing, stem from an unconscious rebellion against the negative connotations of my name. Maybe I’ve been trying for years to prove to the world that I’m neither broken nor sub-standard, and that I’m most definitely not an example of nominative determinism. 

That’s partly why, despite being a bit of a borderline feminist, I took my husband’s name when we got married. As Elaine Gunn, I feel quite comfortably that I’ve got nothing to prove, and it’s nice. And when the inevitable pitter-patter of tiny feet is heard, it’ll be comforting to know that my offspring won’t be doomed to spend their lives twitching uneasily as their names are used tactlessly. 

Apart from anything else, the mere thought of being up the duff as Elaine Duff is torturous, and would almost certainly prove too much for my friends’ fragile self control. I don’t think I’d ever hear the end of it. 

Tut.

A few weeks ago, Kaye decided that instead of sitting down to go through my list of work to do every week, she would start coaching me instead in personal development. Our first session led to the epiphany of sorts that I described in Who am I and What Do I Want? so you will understand that I was looking forward with some interest to the next one…

 Last week it was all about my vision, what it is and why it’s important to have one. 

I’ve had visions before. My most memorable one of recent years came around August 2006 while I was about 2km into a 4k run, training for my first ever 10k which was only about 4 weeks away at the time. I was starting to struggle already, and was giving myself (figuratively speaking of course) a thorough kicking for having spent most of the previous winter sitting on the couch, eating pies and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

At that time, I was also waiting to hear if I’d been successful in my interview for my (then) dream job. I was relatively optimistic, but as always in the Bank you could never be sure until you received the letter written in blood from HR - and sometimes not even then. So things were a little up in the air, so to speak. 

My vision came as I was jogging along the canal, somewhere between Ashley Terrace and the aqueduct over Slateford Road. I suddenly saw a clear image in my head of crossing the finishing line (in under an hour) at the 10k in September, knowing that I’d started the new job and was looking forward to fabulous future career shininess. 

The more I thought about it, the clearer it all became. I started imagining myself being congratulated by friends and family on my double achievement, and honestly felt as if it had all happened already. My jogging improved from a reluctant shuffle to a proper speed, I started overtaking be-zimmer-framed old ladies, and before I knew it I had finished my 4k and was feeling not too shabby.  

Over the next four weeks, I found out that I hadn’t in fact been lucky with the job application, leading me to question my instincts, the universe and generally the point of everything. However, since this was swiftly followed by the discovery that the usual HR wackiness had led to a thumping error and I actually had been successful, I managed to get over it reasonably quickly. 

Taking all this to mean that my vision had been true,  I trained religiously for the 10k every other day for the next 3 weeks until it was time for me to go to Italy for a week’s holiday with my brilliant friend Sean. 

One week and copious quantities of red wine and pizza later, and with my fitness levels roughly halved as a result, I was ready to run. I finished the 10k in 59 minutes and 33 seconds, and it felt just as amazing as I had imagined it would.   

The point of this whole story is very closely related to what Kaye put into words for me last week in our coaching session. During my early training, I was feeling rubbish about my running, I didn’t think I would manage to run 10k, and I was feeling daft for even having attempted it - given that I had historically only been capable of running roughly the length of a Lothian bus. 

I was encountering ‘Fear Flags’ at every turn. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough, that I wouldn’t be fast enough, and that the old ladies on zimmer frames were laughing callously at me as they whizzed past. 

It wasn’t until I had a vision, a clear picture of the future and how great it would be, that I started to forget about the fear flags and concentrate on achieving what I really wanted. What would have happened if I hadn’t had that vision? I would have been defeated by the fear flags and ended up back on the couch with my pies and my Buffy DVDs - and I would have belonged there too. 

So that’s why it’s so mega-important to have a vision. If you don’t have a clear goal to focus on, the fear flags will bring you down in no time at all. So now, I have written down my vision for the future, and I’m going to allow myself to daydream about it as much as I want, without the fear of being disappointed. 

At the end of the day, and the older I get, the more I’m starting to believe that if I really want something to happen, I’ll be able to find ways of making sure it does. I’ll just keep my vision handy, and if any fear flags present themselves I’ll smack them hard with it until they give up and go away. 

So another very worthwhile session with Kaye Taylor, coaching mentor extraordinaire! I wonder what the next one will be…

Kaye introduced me to a very interesting exercise this morning, based on finding out exactly who I am and what I want. 

On the surface, this would appear to be an easy enough task. I am Elaine Gunn, I want many things, career success, personal fulfilment, glossy hair and clear skin, a recurring role with BBC Wales as Doctor Who’s new assistant - subject of course to the lovely David Tennant regenerating as himself following his altercation with that Dalek last week…  

So, pretty simple - right? 

I was astonished to find that I was completely stumped, and really struggled to come up with the answers I was looking for. 

First Kaye asked me a simple question; ‘What do you do?’ 

It took me a while to get my head round the context - i.e. what do I do in my job, what does a normal day in the office contain? I was able (eventually) to answer that I manage projects for systems development, I write for the company, I drive communications and contribute to marketing, and finally that I feel I am the company’s problem solver. 

I then had to imagine that somebody else swooped in from nowhere and took ownership of all my responsibilities in the company, all the projects were managed, all the writing was done, the communications and marketing were completely under control, and there were no problems left to solve. What would I do then? 

My first instinct was to worry about the imaginary ‘swooper’ in case they didn’t do everything properly, but on getting my head round the concept of not having to do anything I started to think about what I might like to do. 

Oddly enough, I was able to answer this relatively easily. Last Thursday, for the first time in many months I got to the end of my to-do list for that day. I sat and thought about getting a head start on the next day’s tasks, but on reflection decided that since I had no looming deadlines, I would like to do some branding - this is when we change the look and feel of our gift voucher system to match a client’s website - it’s a bit geeky, but fun and extremely satisfying when you get it right! 

Kaye then asked me to describe my feelings in relation to nailing a piece of branding and (again, very geekily - please forgive…) I came out with “triumphant”, “satisfied” and “like I wanted to laugh out loud or cheer” - all very nice feelings! I found those feelings very easy to connect to how I feel when I crack a piece of problem-solving code for some database or other, or how I get all excited when I find a better way of doing something that’s currently rubbish.   

Moving on, Kaye asked me to describe what I had enjoyed most about previous jobs, and this (predictably by now) all fell into the same pattern. I’ve always enjoyed being the person that people would go to if they had a problem to solve, and I get massive kicks out of looking at a great big mess and coming up with creative or technical ways of making it better. 

Therefore, it transpires that I’m a ‘solver’ - which makes perfect sense now that I think about it! 

So, having identified who I am, it was time to find out what I want. 

This involved me taking 5 minutes with a pen and a piece of paper, brainstorming (or thought-showering if we want to be all PC about it…) things that I want. This wasn’t terribly difficult, and I came up with a chunky list of things, ranging from children to a fabulous career, to being all I can be, and getting on better with my brother rather than just pretending to for the sake of the rest of my family. Ultimately I had 10 items on my list, which I then had to fine down to the three I truly thought were the most important, the ones I really want the most. 

This is the part of the process where I shocked myself a bit. I went through my list, comparing items with each other in pairs, and asking myself which of each pair I wanted more. I whittled my list until I was down to three, and shared these with Kaye; 

1. I want to start a family.

2. I want people to think I’m smart/successful/inspirational.

3. I want to overcome my crazy attitude to food and be able to accept any implications that might have, weight-wise.  

Not outrageous at first glance, however when Kaye asked me to explain why I had picked those three out of the list of 10, I realised that instead of picking the things I truly wanted the most, I had picked the three I wanted the most out of the ones I thought I might be able to achieve!  

I had, without realising what I was doing, shortened my list before I even started the conscious elimination process, simply because I thought several of them were “just not going to happen”. I wasn’t allowing myself to want these things, because I was scared of being disappointed when (not if!) they didn’t happen. And who says they’re not going to happen? 

Well I do, of course - by not believing they’re possible! And how sad is that…? 

Therefore, I have a new list of three things that I truly want; 

1. I want to be all I can be.
2. I want to stay happy and keep getting happier all the time.
3. I want to truly accept myself as I am, without trying to pretend I’m perfect.  

And I tell you what - I’m a lot happier with this list than I was with the first one! It’s a bit less shallow for a start, and I’ve also realised that these three basic ‘wants’ are a high-level umbrella under which each of my other, more specific wants fit. In my first list, I wanted to start a family - well that fits neatly under ‘being all I can be’. And overcoming my crazy attitude to food? That’s part and parcel of truly accepting who I am. 

So it’s been an excellent lesson, and has made me realise that although I’m a very positive person in a task-orientated context, perhaps I need to be aware of a bit of negativity creeping in where strategy is concerned. I always thought I believed I could achieve anything that I wanted, but have suddenly realised that there’s been a massive ‘as long as I think it’s realistic’ caveat there all along. Oops… 

Therefore (and on a much more frivolous note) keep your eyes peeled for me appearing on a screen near you some Saturday evening soon. Step aside Rose Tyler, The Doctor is mine, and those pesky Daleks won’t know what’s hit them.

Now that’s what I call problem solving!

I’m intrigued as to just what Harriet Harman thinks she’s up to with her new plans on equal pay in the workplace. 

I read this morning about her move to force employers to publish details of their male/female salary discrepancies, and the proposed positive discrimination policies to allow female and ethnic minority candidates to be recruited over equally-qualified white males. 

And I was a bit stumped, to say the least. 

Now obviously I haven’t had a chance to read up much on the finer details of all this, but I’ve seen enough to suspect that it’s a can of worms on an epic scale - something of a wheelie-bin full of worms really. 

Is it just me, or has she missed the point entirely? Firstly, from what I’ve been reading so far, Ms Harman is basing all this on the fact that (outrageously, she would say) part-time women receive an average 40% less pay than their full-time male counterparts. She asks if we think that’s because “…they are 40% less intelligent, less committed, less hard-working, less qualified?”. 

At the risk of seeming obtuse, I’d suggest that the discrepancy has more to do with the fact that the part time women work fewer hours…? 

Now I have no problem with anybody getting ants in their pants from finding out that they’re paid less than a colleague who does the same job. This is something I’ve experienced twice in my career, and no matter which way you look at it, it’s not big, not clever and most definitely not fair. 

However, if you really want to look deep into this, shouldn’t it be important to compare apples with apples, instead of with oranges or a big wheelie-bin full of worms? Show me the research that illustrates that women are paid less than men for the same job on the same working pattern and at the same level - then I’ll accept that we have a problem with discrimination over pay. 

As a woman, it’s the bigger picture that concerns me. Proposing to address the equal pay question by introducing positive discrimination, sounds to me like dressing a wound with a dirty bandage - sure you might stop the bleeding just now, but you’re going to end up with a heck of a nasty infection after a while.

I’m talking about those being discriminated against, the poor old white male. More and more these days, I’m meeting guys who are quite open in stating their opinion that the white male is the most discriminated against party in the UK - in the words of one particular charmer (who shall remain nameless),  ”the pendulum is swinging too far the other way.” 

Of course, having been on the receiving end of true sexual discrimination in the past myself, my sympathies are limited to say the least. As I see it, the white male has had it all his own way for quite a while, and it’s time to start sharing now. However, I also believe that increasing the opportunities for one party, shouldn’t have to be at the expense of another, and if positive discrimination for females is introduced, then we’re going to end up with a lot of unpleasant chips on a lot of male shoulders - and quite understandably so. 

 As I see it, the concept of equal pay for equal work is one of simple mathematics - right and wrong, regardless of the gender or ethnicity of anybody involved. Equality of opportunity however, is far more of a sticky wicket - and that’s where we’re getting ourselves into a pickle. 

Whether or not part-time women get paid the same as full-time men is an enormous red herring - the real question is why there are so many part-time women that the statistics are showing a massive pay gap between the genders. 

I’m going to leave it there - it’s not going to take a rocket scientist to figure out where I’m going next, however if you read my last post Baby Talk, you’ll know what I’m on about…   

 Ok, so this one is pretty hackneyed. Everybody’s been talking about it for years and years, nobody’s got a clue what’s to be done, and to be quite honest I believe everybody’s a bit sick of the whole issue! 

I’m talking of course about the eternal question of what women are going to do about the fact that they may want to have simultaneous family and career development. 

Also known as “what the frick am I going to do when I want to have kids???“ 

This one is particularly pertinent to SK Chase, as with the exception of Dean and the one fish Marvin that has escaped the SK Chase curse of death to date (see Poor Little Gerald, we’ve been cruelly robbed of another 3 goldfish and an algae-eater since then, pesky white spot…) we’re all girls here at SK Chase. In fact, we’re all women of childbearing age. 

So what’s going to happen? 

In a room-full of intelligent, entrepreneurial women, why is it so difficult to come up with a satisfactory answer to this one? Kaye, Steph and I were sitting round a table a few days ago debating the issue, each of us in turn sharing our sketchy plan for how best to “have it all” when the time comes. 

The first thing we agreed on was that the phrase “having it all” was actually pretty offensive. It immediately illustrates the inequality of opportunity between men and women - why is having a successful career and family life “having it all” for women, but completely a matter of course for men? The thought that our respective husbands might sit round a table talking seriously with each other about “having it all” had us all chuckling wryly… 

That’s not to say that we’re embittered feminists, whingeing about our lot as mere females, we were thinking about the issue more from a problem-solving perspective - and it really is a problem! 

Firstly, there’s the issue of maternity leave. Imagine if Steph, Kaye and I arrived in to work one morning and announced that we were all expecting; what on earth would we do at the realisation that all three of us were due to take nine months off at the same time? Would we teach the one remaining algae-eater to take strategic decisions, update the websites and answer the phones? What would happen if he too succumbed to the dreaded white spot? 

Then there’s the likelihood that one or more of us might want to reduce our hours in order to spend more time with our new families; does this mean that our respective careers would stagnate and we’d stop developing as businesswomen because it’s not feasible to carry a senior role through into reduced hours without reducing the responsibility accordingly? (Not to mention the salary…but don’t get me started on that!) 

At one point I suggested turning the boardroom into a crèche, with each working mother taking one day out of the business each week to care for all the bambini; great idea until we need the boardroom for a meeting and our guests have to clear baby wipes and rusk crumbs from their seats before getting down to business. Mmmmm - professionalism! 

As completely launched as this idea may sound, I suspect that the answer we eventually come up with will sound similarly barking. This is not a new problem, if the answer was easy then somebody would have thought of it by now. There are universally embedded cultural barriers to what we’re contemplating, and these won’t be done away with in a moment. 

Maybe there will come a day when it’s in no way inappropriate to bring your baby to work, and a generation of career women will strap their young on to their backs and carry on with more or less what they were doing before - with the exception of a play, a feed and a nappy change at regular intervals. 

I can now imagine an army of militant mothers protesting at this, and insisting that no matter how well you prepare for motherhood, you can never assume to go on as if nothing has changed. I fully accept that, and completely agree - children are certainly not a lifestyle accessory that you can pick up and put down as dictated by you career. However, as far as positive role models go, a loving and attentive mother going about her business in business without having to sacrifice time with her child to do so is about as good as it gets in my book.  

Who knows? We’ve already more or less done away with the cultural stereotype that required women to wear funereal black power suits to be deemed credible in business, why not do the same for a shoulder-full of baby spew and a rattle? As Steph said the other day “As soon as you catch yourself saying ‘but that’s the way we’ve always done it’, you know there’s something wrong.” 

And I couldn’t agree more!

A few months ago I gave a talk in Glasgow to a group of women who were either thinking about setting up their own business, or who had recently taken the plunge. Directly after my talk, a woman approached me and introduced herself. She told me her name and the name of her business and as I was about to start chatting to her I was asked to go and have my photo taken – so the conversation didn’t go any further.

However we had that sort of eye contact that happens rarely – it was like two souls recognising each other. And she gave off a sense of calm which was very attractive and appealing.

After the event I kept thinking about the brief interaction and was intrigued by the name of her business, which was ‘The Listening Business’ so I decided to get in touch with her to find out more.

June Grindley is a trained ‘Listener’ and when I made contact she immediately invited me through to her home in Glasgow to have a complimentary Listening Session.

On the train on the way over from Edinburgh, I had no idea what to expect, and had no idea what I’d actually want to talk about. At the beginning of our one hour session, June explained how the Listening Session would work; that I was free to talk about anything I wanted, that it would remain confidential, and that at appropriate times during our time together, she would reflect back – and at the end would spend a short period giving me an overall summary of what I’d felt and thought. There was a moment of me feeling slightly uncomfortable but once I got started, there was absolutely no stopping me!

I realised after my first Listening Session with June that the most beneficial thing about having someone really listen to me, in a safe environment, and to reflect back what I’ve said, is that I actually found myself with the space to properly listen to myself. What I mean is that often we have recurring thoughts and a feeling always accompanies them. Whilst we may have a recurring negative thought, rarely do we get to the source and take actions to remedy the feeling that arrives as a consequence.

When I was learning about public speaking skills I learned that the reason so many people find it so hard to speak ‘naturally’ (like we do when we have a conversation) when speaking to an audience is because we are so used to having people acknowledge what we’re saying (usually before we’ve even completed our sentence). This is why people participating in a conversation often say ‘hmmm’ and ‘uh huh’, to reassure the speaker that they are still listening. This makes the speaker feel that they are ‘in’ a conversation and not just being a fog horn fanny. But often the ‘listener’ isn’t listening at all, they’re simply thinking about the next thing they want to say. Obviously this doesn’t happen when presenting to a room (or auditorium) full of people. And as I discovered on my public speaking learning journey not having reassurance can be quite disconcerting.

On the other hand when you go to a Listening Session, you know beforehand that you are going to be listened to and not enter into a two way conversation. And the other person (the Listener) if they’re good, will be genuinely listening. And this is how it was with my session with June. I could actually feel her listening. And that brought with it a sense of peace. I could hear clarity in my voice and my thoughts that I don’t usually hear or feel.

Listening to yourself; really listening to yourself, doesn’t happen as often as you may imagine.

We think practically all the time. And thoughts lead to both feelings and actions. By having June listen to me, and summarize back to me what I’d said (using the same language that I used) helped me to realise that whilst I’ve had recurring thoughts, I haven’t truly listened to them; i.e. I haven’t chosen to make a positive change to a situation. And the definition of insanity, as Fergus, our new and brilliant Executive Coach from Shirlaws reminded me recently, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

I realised that the real beauty of being listened to, is that it gives you the time and space to listen to yourself. To listen to what’s happening inside. When you make things different on the outside of yourself – this is change. When you make things different on the inside of yourself, this is transformation. I went through a transformation during that first session. I realised that in all cases that rather than being able to change the behaviour of people that bother me, I must change my own behaviour. I must change the perspective with which I view them. I must choose to be accepting – i.e. non-judgemental. I realised that even though I may not say the words that accompanying my thoughts (about other people’s behaviour), that they will be able to feel my judgements and will respond accordingly. By coming from a place of acceptance and love, this opens up the door to real change.

Since that session, Stephanie and I have invited June to come into our business and hold two Listening Workshops. They have transformed the way we think. We are now taking a long hard look at our behaviour and recognising that we can both get much better at truly listening to each other, our team, our customers, our suppliers and, of course, our selves.

The purpose of this blog is to share with you that we are making a commitment to learning how to properly listen; to make sure that we’ve heard people properly; to seek first to understand. We can be so quick in this world to want to get across our point, but to give someone the gift of listening is a rare gift indeed.

If only we could package it up and sell it as a gift voucher

Seven weeks ago, my lovely boyfriend Angus and I decided that we should get married. A lot of work and excitement later, we tied the knot last Saturday in the Applecross Walled Garden in Wester Ross. For those unfamiliar with the geography of Scotland, Wester Ross is more or less across the water from the Isle of Skye, along the North part of the West coast of the mainland.

The wedding was definitely the most fun I’ve ever had in a corset, incorporating outdoor ceilidh dancing, and an impromptu football match (girls against boys, naturally, with the bridesmaids tucking their dresses into their knickers) of which some hilarious photos will be making their way blog-wards shortly I’m sure.

The day after the wedding, Angus and I made our newlywed way to Pool House Hotel in Poolewe a little further North from Applecross for our honeymoon, and I’m very much in denial about the sad fact that I wasn’t able to stay there for ever and ever and ever!

Pool House is an absolutely breathtaking mix of pure luxury and Victorian and Edwardian kitsch, with each room boasting phenomenal views of Loch Ewe. The hotel is placed about 15 metres from the edge of the Loch, meaning that the view we had from our bedroom Opportune was officially the most fabulous view that I’ve ever seen from a set of patio doors. Apparently on a good fish day you can see seals and porpoises playing in the bay outside the hotel - I spent a lot of time floating blissfully in our chin-depth marble bath gazing out the window and keeping an eye out for them, but must have missed them during one of my regular G&T top-ups. 

Now you might be wondering what a rave review of a random hotel is doing in our business blog…

The simple answer is that Angus and I had such a fantastic time there, that I just desperately wanted to share the love!

I don’t think I’ve ever stayed in a hotel where I felt more at home and welcomed by the staff. In my experience, it’s the little personal touches that turn a good hotel into a great one, and this is something that Pool House evidently understands completely - making them truly exceptional. From the moment Peter (the owner) greeted me by my married name (I made the booking under my maiden name, so this impressed me massively) Angus and I were taken care of as if we were the only couple that had ever gone on honeymoon - there or anywhere else.  

Over the course of our two night stay, we got to know Peter a bit and had a lot of interesting chats about the hotel’s history, the history of the surrounding area (Poolewe was big during the Second World War as an extreme environment used to toughen up young officers) and the personal branding of celebrity chefs. Peter’s truly a fountain of fascinating facts, and when my title progressed from Madam to M’Love with him I was awfully chuffed! He was even nice enough not to mock my appalling lack of skill at snooker, which I displayed shamelessly on his billiards table in the gorgeous Rowallan Room.

Working in (or at least alongside) the hospitality industry, I often find it difficult to leave my work at home when I stay in a new hotel - I’m always hyper aware of the service levels, the environment, the facilities - everything! All of my usual over-thinking simply disappeared the minute I stepped through the door of Pool House, the place is magical, romantic, exotic and utterly luxurious, and I will never forget the two nights I spent there on my wonderful honeymoon.  

So let’s hear it for Pool House Hotel, flying the flag high for first-rate luxury hotels in the West of Scotland. I fully intend to start a specific savings fund so I can go back as soon as possible, as often as possible, for as long as possible.